Poems

Cancel Everything

Cancel everything You think you know Then mark out the days The silence, the birdsong, the starlight You’d think I’d be accustomed to retreat: to eat, sleep, and walk But I don’t want to write A pandemic poem

I’m still grieving the losses

Listen to the news, check it again, check it again, check it again Where are the numbers at? Each death a devastation Absurdly abstracted by the 24 hour news cycle Broken by a virus Journalists feeding people every day We warm ourselves by a communal fire with empty hands Humanity ablaze, lungs breathing news To keep us going

But ceaseless change: Silent streets, sirens sing Struggling fears, anxiety pulses, and maps are numbered

As we enter into each new day of isolation Physical distancing is the least we can do We are clumsy with our witness Others behind masks Everything collapse, too many lungs Nothing untouched by this 19 turned 2020

Look at the sky! Look! Still more birds Look, there are funerals, grief, and shock Our friends in China, Italy, Spain dying now And we don’t know what to do

Taiwan shows us how to hope on earth in the face of this virus Doctors and nurses have not given up Please see us through this nightmare-pandemic A whole swath of humans lost No chance to say goodbye

This is not a wild summer picnic in spring Or a new national pastime: walking, walking, walking Alive together after winter

The poets can help us now We all need to cry We're still grieving the losses Before returning to work and to helping our neighbours To make the best of an uncertain future, to keep our wildest hopes alive

Yes, it’s okay to not be okay Thank God most children are okay Break this to them gently This is strange School is cancelled but you can’t see your grandparents But an orchestra of homes connect, zoom, zoom, zoom This can’t last forever But it will take longer than we know No, we’re not there yet

There is more than fear here There is compassionate attention for what it’s like to struggle To pay rent, to have enough for food and medical bills Suddenly our events are accessible online, sliding scale, free for all Disability justice knowledge is essential now How is it that this dream comes true as the world falls apart?

We see signs to celebrate grocery store staff And hear cheers for health workers on their way home from work We were put here to be good to one another. Remember? Remembering singing together? Remember dancing? Together, as in being in a room, surrounded by one another and Breathing the same air

We are still here, bewildered Resilient through our grief and loss Take it, one day at a time The way we were always supposed to with each day on earth: a miracle

Written April 2020

Do not abandon yourself

Do not abandon yourself. You are a child of the universe, sacred as that is profane. Mundane life will make you feel forest, outside, bare tree, cold sometimes.

Help yourself by staying present. It is a real thing to do the dishes. It is a renewing gift to yourself to rest. Take a nap. Find nourishment in both quiet time alone and in a togetherness that is memorable, shared, and somehow beyond time.

Put down your roots and tend to the soil. When you feel the pull uplifting you, notice. How is that serving you? Is there any protection you need? What kind of selfishness is it when you seek to be so well? Know your cup will overflow but refuse to empty or smash it.

Where are you when the plot thickens and soup turns to mud?

A treatise on suffering is unlike the feel of it in your bones. That soup stock brewing is your own resilience. Know how. Get through. Be well and be together. Free.

Do the healing work at your own pace and time, where your body knows what's right for you. And if it's a good place to stay, then stay.

Written March 2020

Poem 3

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